Secret blog entry of Mas Selamat

It’s been 4 months since my escape from Whitley Road Detention Centre. Heard from one of the Gurhkas Guards that nobody managed to break my 49 seconds record. It is going to take quite some time before anyone manage to break the record. Some more I was limping. Imagine how fast I would be if I wasn’t limping.

But they say they need me to come back for drug test if I want my record to be posted on Guinness World Records. They suspect I took steroid before escaping. I must return to Whitley for a urine test to proof my innocence. I suspect its a trick to recapture me again.

But I’m not worried. The urine test will be conducted in the same toilet. I can escape from the window again after giving them my urine sample. Who knows, I might break my own 49 seconds record. I’ll get my PA to schedule a day for me to go back. Might need to postpone my Iraq trip.

It would be nice to have my name on the Guinness Records Book. I can boast about it during the world terrorist conference held next month. Osama will be so jealous of my achievements. I bet he will purposely come Singapore to be captured by the police so that he can attempt to break my record. But his turban so big, he sure got problem climbing out the window.

I’ve been touring the region and giving speeches on my escape to the terrorist youth wing. All the trainee terrorists are treating me like their idol. If you notice, there are lesser and lesser poster of me on the streets. Those trainee terrorist stole it and kept it for souvenirs. Some even ask me for my autograph during my world tour speech. KNN, nowadays like very hard to find my posters. I was at Changi Airport few weeks ago and there isn’t a single poster of me. How can they do this to me? After all, I’m the most wanted man on this Island. I wonder if the police will print new poster soon. I can send them my latest makeover photos if they want.

Managed to find a poster of myself yesterday at Orchard MRT station. Finally…. For a moment I thought all my posters were stolen. Asked the station security guard to help me take a photo of me posing beside my wanted poster. Must camwhore a bit for my blog. Did those cute cute pose for the fun of it. That’s what bloggers always do right?

Zawahiri was complaining the other day that my blog entries is boring. What to do? I’m not as good looking as him. He started posting youtube video on his blog lately with himself holding AK47 and giving creepy doomsday prophecy. Heard that there is a spike in his blog traffic and everyone loves it. Maybe I should do those creepy doomsday prophecy someday. Need to find a plastic AK47. Wonder if I can get it from Beach Road.

Couldn’t post the camwhore photos today. Something is wrong with the digital camera again. Can’t seems to transfer photos to my PC. Just submitted a request to the IT department. Hope they can rectify it soon. Told them to buy better digital camera already. Look at the Yishun recce tape that they made couple of years ago. The video resolution is too low and the voice is horrible. No wonder HQ never approve our bombing proposal budget.

OK, got to go. Just finish my coffee and the staff here is like chasing me away. Remind myself to bomb this freaking cafe if I got any spare bombs.

(PS: This is a fictional story. This is what I think Mas Selamat will write today if he has a blog.)

12 Responses to 'Secret blog entry of Mas Selamat'

  1. paced says:

    Hmm, why do I have the feeling that DK’s feeling bored? Heh…

    paceds last blog post..THE Experience In Vegas!

  2. dk says:

    Paced: Yeap. I was a bit bored when I wrote this couple of days ago. haha.

  3. Shannon says:

    haha! great post!

    Shannons last blog post..Small Girl Big Appetite released on Podfire!

  4. Mark says:

    Actually… i’m wondering if a certain agency will invite you for tea with this post…

  5. Tianhong says:

    ain’t he alr in some beach having fun with gers? :D

  6. DAN says:

    You gone case soon!

  7. Adalricus says:

    so fake . wad a blog , yawns

  8. dk says:

    Shannon: Thx. :)

    Mark: No lah. If got problem, then talking cock also will ganna.

    Tianhong: Maybe. We’ll never know.

  9. dk says:

    DAN: Why would that be so?

    Adairicus: It is fake.

  10. Sophie says:

    HAHAHAHA

    I thought this was so funny.

  11. Shelly says:

    “Fictional”, not “frictional”. Friction is like… *rub rub*… you know? :/

    England, my brudder. England.

    Shellys last blog post..I feel so… spammed.

  12. dk says:

    Shelly: Oops.

    *Find a hole and cover face*

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