Feeling sad and demoralised now.

Wish that you could be by my side now.
Holding me, comforting me, encouraging me.

Will you be there for me? Will you stand by me?

I need you.

My worst nightmare came true. Made an error in that request.

As expected, if I am a small mistake, the impact will be very big. And this time, it is huge. Very very huge. I’m still in office extracting the records that have error. Look like the extraction has to run overnight. No point for me to stay back. Only thing I can do now is to stare at my error.

Can’t believe I made such a careless mistake. How am I going to explain to my boss tomorrow?

Is this the final straw?

I’m lost. I’m desperately finding solutions to the problem.

“You are lost. There’s a huge dense jungle surrounding you and you are desperately trying to find your way out of it. But you don’t see light… anywhere…”

Source: adelinegong.blogspot.com

Do you believe in platonic friendship?

Its funny that I do. Esp after my first gf broke off with me and go into a new relationship with her close friend shortly after. I knew they were close friends. They meet every weekend. I didn’t mind them meeting. Anyway, he is not the only reason why that relationship failed.

But how come I still believes in platonic friendship?

Because I was in 1 before. Her name is Rachel. Although we already lost contact, but I’ll never forget this platonic friendship we had. We were great friends. I call her my buddy. Most guys’ would have male buddies, but mine is a lady.

Is it possible to keep a platonic friendship even when both are attached? Yes, it is possible, but difficult. It requires a lot of factors. Firstly, both friends have to draw the line clearly. There are some things that friends shouldn’t do. There are some things that friends shouldn’t say. There are some things that friends shouldn’t think about. These things must be clear.

And it also requires a lot of trust by their partners. Trust that their partner will not cross the line. Trust that their partner’s heart is always with them. Trust that their partner and his/her friend is purely platonic friendship and nothing else. End of the day, it boils down to whether they trust their partner or not.

And how to gain trust? Trust cannot be built up within days. It need long term assurance thru speech and actions. Most importantly, never lie to your partner. If you are going out with a friend of the opposite sex, then be truthful about it. Never lie about it. Let your partner know where you are going and assure him/her that is just a friend meet up. Let your partner knows your activities and be contactable via handphones. Basically, be truthful and never attempt to hide any details.

As partners, you have to accept the fact that it is already 2006 and it is common to have close friends of the opposite sex. If your partner is truthful about his/her platonic friend, then it means that he/she isn’t doing anything unfaithful to you and has nothing to hide from you. Since he/she isn’t hiding anything from you, then you shouldn’t restrict his circle of friends. If you disallow them from meeting, he/she might end up lying to you so that you don’t know that they are meeting. Isn’t that worst? So long as he/she is truthful and doesn’t hide anything, there shouldn’t be anything regarding the friendship.

But if you feel that there is something wrong with the so call platonic friendship, then its time you sit down and talk to your partner about it.

Platonic friendship is possible if both party is committed towards each other.

I told T and LH about this today afternoon during kopi. Never go much into the details with them. Perhaps I should do it here.

I feel like quitting my job.

Ok, this is not the 1st time I’m saying this. But the feeling this time is rather strong.

Change of sub team
There has been a re-org in my team lately. I’ve been posted to another subteam. Doing “almost” the same thing, but quite unfamilar with the things I’m suppose to do. I don’t like the feeling. I’ve been quite strong in the stuff that I used to be doing. Now I’m transfered to another subteam and have to start over again. Relearn some stuff and built up myself again. Its like starting all over again.

Me is no like.

Boring task
The thing about this subteam is that the task are all simple task. Those that close 1 eyes also can do. But tedious because every small request u do, u need to update tons of document. End up, I find myself doing more documentation than programming. And I hate documentations although I’m the ISO coordinator. And there is no big request at all. All the small small request that doesn’t value add yourself in the team.

Me is sianz.

Lack of trust
Then the sub teamlead of the new team doesn’t really trust my job. Firstly, I’m new in the subteam. 2ndly, the person whom I took over is very careless and made alot of errors. Because of that, the sub teamlead is very scare of things done by other. I don’t mind if you check my work. In fact, I love it when you check my work. But he is scare until he wants me to do some stupid preventive measures to prevent SIMPLE ERRORS.

For example, the previous person made an error once when she didn’t check the insertion log. There was actually an error in her insertion but she didn’t notice. So the sub teamlead expect me to keep a log of all the insertion. But hell. I’ve been in the company for 3 years already. Inserting got error, I would had seen it. Why is there a need to include my insertion log for you to double check? And I’m only inserting 8 bloody lines. 8 lines only!!! Would I be careless to miss error msg?

Then there was once the previous person forgot to commit update sql statement. Thus the changes were not commited into the server. So the sub teamlead started checking to ensure that the SQL script have commit command. BUT I usually don’t put the word commit in my SQL file. I prefer to commit MANUALLY. Besides, if I don’t have the commit statement in the script, I can still rollback if there is an error. AND HEY, I been working for so long already, do you think I’ll make careless mistake as not to commit the changes I made?

I know the previous person did alot of careless mistakes. But if you want me to work for you, you have to trust me. Without trust, how do you expect me to work well with you?

Me is pissed.

Big request
Our team have this big request coming. It is, in my own word, mother of all request. The whole request is very huge. Impacting many teams and expecting to take a few months to finish. It is a request that allows you to show your abilities. The request was assigned to my previous subteam. I had a chance of doing some initial studies on the request before I was transfered. It is huge. I keep saying that the request is tedious and killer. But deep down inside, I wanted to do it badly to show my bosses my abilities to coordinate such big project. It is a great chance for me.

But now that I’ve moved to another subteam, I will not be so involved in the request. Although the request will also impact my subteam, but my role has greatly been reduced.

Whenever I chat with my ex sub teamlead, I would ask her about the request. She jokingly ask me today if I’m interested in the request, and if I am, she can request that I be assigned to do it. But I decline saying it is a killer. But DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I really wish I could take up this request. But it isn’t nice to take it up. After all, I’m being transfered to another subteam already. This is no longer my subteam’s project. It is not nice to go request from my teamlead to take up this request.

Me is tu-lan.

Moving office
Office is shifting to AMK in early May. I live in Jurong. It will take 1hr plus for me to travel to my new workplace. This is sickening. And to make thing worst, the table assigned to me is the worst among my team. Right infront of the meeting room door. Everytime people walk out of the meeting room will see my montior and what am I doing. Totally no privacy.

Me is sick.

I think I’m almost to the brim already. I was telling T and EH that if I wanna resign, it would be before 4th Apr. Why 4th Apr? Because we are moving to the new office on 4th May. We need 1 month advance notice to resign. If I want to leave, I’ll leave before moving. After moving, I think I’ll stay for a few months before deciding.

So when is my farewell party?
I’m trying to endure now. If another thing/person pushes me again between now till 4th Apr, I’ll just submit the letter. If after 4th Apr I haven’t throw the letter, that means I’ll be staying, at least for a few more months.

So how? Any colleagues reading this? If you hate me, just throw some Sai Kang to me and I’ll be gone.

Me is tired.

This semester is tough. Instead of the usual 1 year semester, it has been reduced to 1/2 year. The workload is still the same. Just that everything squeezed together. Esp assignment. 1 assignment due ever 2 weeks compared to 1 assignment due every 1 mth.

Can hardly breathe.

I just submitted an assignment that is confirm flank 1. I under estimate the module. I thought it would be easy. I skipped a couple of lesson. And I’m stuck with the assignment. And the lecture notes and course material doesn’t make sense to me.

I just tried to savage as many marks as I can.

Its not easy studying and working at the same time. Esp when I didn’t put in much effort to revise my school work. I’ve been idling too much. Time to buck up.