Rebuilding damaged ego

The past few days are not easy. Fought many internal battle with myself. Accepting the fact that I’ve once again created an error and broken all records. Yes, I’m once again the record holder for the biggest mistake. I was the holder of that record around 3 years ago when I just joined the company, but the record was broken by someone 2 years ago.

When you are in trouble, you start to see the true colours of people around u. I see how good my teamlead was. He was encouraging and didn’t put any blame on me. My director was on the other end of the scale. I see colleagues coming forward to offer their assistance to help clean up the error. I turn them down because I don’t want to trouble them. I turn them down because I want to rebuilt my ego myself.

There is one thing that I’m quite good at doing, and that is cleaning up error data. I’ve cleaned up countless error data. Some by china outsource staff, some by users, some by colleagues and some by myself. It is at least the last thing I think I can do correctly. And I decide to do it myself, without the help of anyone.

I still don’t know what they going to do about it. The whole issue is surely going all the way to the top. Maybe I’ll get fired. Maybe I’ll get a warning letter from HR. Maybe they’ll just let it pass with a warning to me. I don’t know and I don’t want to think too much.

I’m still thinking if it is time to quit the job. S has been very encouraging when he knows that I have intention to leave. He send me his resign letter for me as reference. All I need to do is to change the name, date and reason for leaving since he was from the same dept as me last time. He even send me a link in jobsdb that is employing people with experience with the stuff I’m currently doing. Thanks dude.

I’m starting to see a chance to perform in the new sub team. I don’t know if I should hang on and see where this chance will lead me to. I’m still undecided.

And at my darkest moment, you are somewhere near me, reachable via msn, sms or email. You took my mind off the troubles and cheered me up. Although you think that you did nothing, but you never know how much impact you have on me. Thanks for being by my side at the moment when I needed you most.

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