Its always nice to listen to Kenny G in the middle of the night. I know its going to be difficult to fall asleep tonight.

Just when I thought I got everything figured out, some thing comes along and mess up the whole plan. Well, back to the drawing board I will. Give up I will never.

Who knows, this might even be a blessing in disguise.

I still remember during Nexus when I feel uneasy telling people which company am I from. Other than being there as an individual and dislike my company, there is another reason which I didn’t mention.

Because there is nothing much to say about my work. My job is doing something that is important yet mostly unnoticed. I usually don’t like to talk much about it because there is no pride when telling people. Its nothing fantastic.

Over the past few days, I’ve been dreaming and deciding which path to take. And I know my current job is not the place I want to stay in. It is not just the RM people in my office or the stupid policy they had. Its just that there is no sense of achievement in the everyday things I do. Even after I managed to solve that huge error recently, there still isn’t much sense of achievement.

I want to do something for myself. Something fantastic. Something that I can feel proud when telling people at networking function. I admit I like compliments. Well, who doesn’t?

Recently, I’ve been surrounded by people who have achieved a lot in their life. Some of them are younger than me. They got me asking myself, what was I doing? I look back and saw four years of my life wasted. I could had done much more for the past four years. But I was busy at work and studies.

I told myself that I want to spend this weekend thinking about what I want to do. I off my twitter so that it will not disturb me. I went out to the streets, wondering aimlessly trying to find inspiration on what to do.

I finally found my inspiration here.

No, I’m not going into street arts. Don’t worry. I suck at drawing.

I was looking at the chalk drawing by Julian Beever at Raffles City and seeing the reaction of everyone. Everyone is using their handphone camera to take picture. Everyone is saying the word “wow” when they saw it. And at that moment, I suddenly realise what I really wanted to do in life.

I want to do something that will make everyone say “wow” when they see it.

Maybe I should really go into web programming. I used to be quite good in programming during poly days. I’m sure I still am now, just that I need some time to get the engine started again. But I’ve never done web programming before. There are a lot of things I need to catch up. Need to learn PHP, MySQL and stuff. It is almost impossible for me to do it if I’m still working at my current company. There isn’t enough time. So I guess I’m really resigning and going jobless for a few month. Pick up the skill, get everything on the right track before deciding if I want to find another job or carry on doing freelance.

I know its going to be tough. Many people will surely say I’m crazy to put down a well paid job. Well, I guess I’m still young to explore the world. If I don’t do it now, then when can I do it?

I hope my family and love ones will give me their support.

I’m going to take option 2. I believe that this is the best way for me to make everyone say “wow”. This is my new dream.

I thought everything would be fine when I just returned to office from my 1 1/2 week long study leave on Wednesday. My threshold level for their nonsense should be quite high after the long break. I was wrong. In less that 1 hour, I got so fed up with the stupid things that people do while I’m away that I feel like just typing out my resign letter on the spot. All these people cares about is covering their backside and wait for retirements.

I cannot stay in this company forever. I’m already feeling the effects of being in this company. Somehow, I’m turning very slack as the days go by. I’m beginning to become one of them. With the retiree mentality, sometimes I call it RM for short.

I told myself that I’m going to use this weekend to think about the next step. We still have less than a 1/4 of the weekend left, and I’m still not quite decided which step to take. I have several options. Maybe I should list them out.

Find a new job and resign. This is the safest step. Everyone is saying this is the way to go. But the problem is, I’m currently a diploma holder doing my degree. I will be getting my degree in 1/2 year time. Which makes me in the middle of nowhere. Jobs that requires a diploma may not want me because I would be over-qualified in 6 month time. Most employer would think that I will surely change a job once I get my degree. Jobs that require a degree will not want me because I haven’t gotten my degree yet, which makes me under-qualified. In short, I’m in the middle of nowhere.

Resign now, take a break then find a new job. Actually, I quite like this idea. I’ve been working for 4 years since I came out from NS. I need a break. And I could take this time to pick up some new skill. Currently, I’m thinking of picking up web programming. With that skill, maybe I could take up a few freelance job in the future, or create some interesting website myself as a hobby. Then when I’m done with the learning, I’ll find a new job and continue to do freelance and web development while at my new job.

But the problem is am I able to survive without a payslip? Will others think that I’m a slacker who don’t want to work even though I’m spending those time picking up new skill and doing freelance? Will my dad nag and nag and nag at me whole day for not finding a proper job? Would any gal find security in a guy without a stable income? And what if I couldn’t find a job after I had enough break and learnt what I wanted to learn?

The last option is to stay at my current company until I finish my degree. Maybe switch job once I got my degree. EVERYONE around me is telling me to take this option. well… almost everyone. I don’t know. I really don’t think this is the right path to choose. I don’t want to there for too long until I become like one of them. I don’t know how long more can I endure their nonsense.

Why is everyone suggesting this path? Is it because its the safest way to go? Some people told me that everywhere is the same. Is it really the case? I know the current state of my company. At least if I change a new job, its a 50-50 percent chance of landing myself in a better place. Seriously, this is the last last option I’m taking.

Which path should I choose?

As I was typing this entry, I suddenly realise that the question that has been in my head for the past few days wasn’t really about which path to choose. Instead, it is about how to pick up my courage and walk the path that my heart wants to go.

When was the last time you had a dream? I’m not referring to those dreams you had when you are sleeping. I’m referring to daydreaming.

I used to daydream alot. I used to dream about being the founder and CEO of a large Singapore based handphone, PDA and laptop maker. The company comes out with lots of amazing gadgets that took the world by storm.

It was a great dream. Something too far reached, but worth working towards. Perhaps its not quite possible to reach the same scale, but perhaps just part of it is good enough.

But I haven’t been dreaming about those things lately. And I was wondering why. Why did I stop daydreaming? I always told people that the successful people are those with a crazy dream and dare to pursuit their dream.

If someone told you they are going to do virtual real estate 5 years ago, you will most likely say that guy is crazy. Crazy it may sound, but that is what Linden Lab is doing now. Its call Second life. See how successful it is now.

Every successful person begin their journey with a dream. And I guess perhaps it is really I time for me to sit down and start dreaming of the future again. I was telling myself last Wednesday that I want to use this weekend to think of the future. But before I can really start to think of the future, I must have a dream first. And what is my dream? I asked myself several times over the past few days without any answer. I have been too busy over the past one year to dream.

Is my dream working in my current company till I retire? Or find another job and work till I grow old? Or am I dreaming of coming out of the comfort zone and start doing something for the society? Creating something that everyone will say “wow” when they see it? What is my dream? I don’t know. I only know that I’m not in the position that I want to be now. And I seriously need to do something about it.

When was the last time you had a dream? I seriously can’t remember. Perhaps I’m too busy to dream. Perhaps I was being too practical. Perhaps I just didn’t dare to dream. Perhaps I had too much commitment. Perhaps perhaps perhaps…..

Whatever it is, I’ll be dreaming this weekend and chasing those dreams from monday onwards.

Just came back from blogout. It was a cool event. I’m so glad that I left my office at 6pm sharp and hoot cab down to geek terminal.

And being the first blogout, I guess it was a lesson for many of us. For the geek terminal staff, it is their first time holding such a big event at their place. I guess they will have more of such events in the future. Ping.sg is planning to have its 1st Anniversary party there. Although we don’t have such a big crowd, the experience we had today is useful for our planning.

TDM is great. They organised one great event after another. I’m going to look out for more events organised by TDM. When you see the brand name TDM, you can be sure its going to be a great event.

But one thing to note, the panel for Nexus was very successful, but the discussion wasn’t so good. But for this blogout, the discussion was quite well done, but the panel wasn’t as good. Perhaps its the venue. Too friendly for small group discussion, to a point where people are having their own discussion during the panel.

Too bad Genie couldn’t perform live as she is sick. But she managed to come and and have a short talk. CCDA also went up to talk a bit about her being nominated as the hottest mommy. Hey, she’s in the top 10 ok! Uzyn was one of the panelist for the only panel of the day. But the crowd is too noisy. Argh.

Ping.sg’s present can be felt at the entire event. We are forming a very strong and united community. Hope it will continue to grow.

Great event. Nice chance for networking. I still need to work on my networking skill.